So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
