You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
