Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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