only you would photoshop your dick
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
