literally had 100 drinks last night.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
