We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize