bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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