Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The power of my boobs compel you
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
