I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
