where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Randomize
