I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
