guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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