My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
