...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
