she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
