If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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