I'm jealous of your bromance
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
