my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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