my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
