I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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