It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
