I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize