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I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
