he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
