We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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