Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
