Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
