is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Randomize
