No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
