I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize