I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
