if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
