i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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