watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
