I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
