he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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