The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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