just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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