Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize