she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We're too hungover to prance.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
