a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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