you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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