Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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