The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
