I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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