dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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