I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
