do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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