I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
