Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Semen is not good for contacts.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I need a beard to bite.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
