i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
