FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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