I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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