need another drink. this is the easiest way
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
