dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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