That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
