Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
