How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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