just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
