there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
