I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
