Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
