I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Randomize
