I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
