if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
