Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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