why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
