If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Sorry about my life...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
